Considerations About Custody

Some days will stick out in your mind forever:  the day your brother teased you and cried uncontrollably, the first kiss, the moment when you are accepted on the cheerleading team, breaking up with your first love, the instant you nailed the interview for that coveted job, walking down the aisle as a married woman, the friend you dropped everything for to support through a difficult time, the first real giggle of your new baby.  All of the defining moments shape us and give us the color, depth and richness of our life, personality, and gifts.

Sometimes these experiences don’t occur in a moment, but play themselves out as a process.   One such experience is going through a custody “consideration”.  I call it a consideration for a very purposeful reason.  First all, I will not enter into a battle.  Even saying the word “battle” nearly throws my body into fight or flight.  Who needs that?  My kids don’t need me in fight or flight, that’s for sure.  Being “in battle” is not where I will serve my kids best as a parent.  Words have powerful meaning in our subconscious and we need to honor how certain words make us feel.  The word “battle” doesn’t make me feel very good, nor powerful, so I choose to shift my perception around it, and raise my energy level.

The great thing about life is that I get to choose my words, my actions and my perception.  When I embrace the belief that I am facing a custody consideration, it helps to neutralize some of the old programmed negative energy that surrounds it in our society.  Ultimately, I am helping myself.  I need to free up as much energy as possible to raise my children, keep their lives stable and supported, run my business, and invest in myself.  After all, as a parent, you are the second most valuable asset your kids have…second only to their own mind!  You need to value yourself enough to position yourself to be of greatest value and service to your kids.  If you are going into “battle” you cannot fully serve your kids because you are sucked in to the fight…and the fight will win on your energy.  This is a losing “battle”.

Secondly, viewing the situation as a custody “consideration” feels accurate.  This is truly what is happening.  The best interest of the children is being “considered” by the courts, and as parents, it is up to us to take a holistic view from all sides as well.  Keeping your composure in what is often an emotionally charged arena is an ASSET.  You will be in greater integrity, and compassion when you look at the best consideration for your kids at all levels.  This is not to say that you give up your side;  it IS to say acknowledge the presence of good in your child’s life from wherever it comes, even from the other parent.

All of this is pouring out of me in an inspired, connected state after a chaotic, devastating week.  Exactly one week ago today, I discovered that I am facing a custody consideration.  As prepared as I was for that moment, nothing could have prepared me.  This last week I have felt like I have one foot in hell and one foot in heaven.  I have cried, laughed, surrendered, prayed, hugged tight, and surrendered some more.  One the one hand, there is a long, hard process that lies ahead.  One the other hand, there are tremendous gifts that already are coming forth from this.  I know that the opportunity here is greater than my imagination can even take me.  That is the polarity of our experience:  there may be both pain and blessings in each experience, and yet it is with our perception that we give it those labels.  On either side of the equation, we have the ability to surrender to what IS.

One of the opportunities I have decided to embrace is to share the journey with all of you.  I intend to practice what I show my clients.  Please realize, I emphasize the word “practice”.  I did not say I will be perfect, so let’s just call that out right now.  As I practice on the playing field of life, I will get better, and that is my intention.  Life is about doing your personal best.  It’s not about perfection; after all, who set that standard anyway?  When you commit to practice, there is no competition, except with yourself.

I hope you will check back in and join me on my journey while I play and practice.  In my next post, I will share with you my internal game plan.  Stay tuned!