Usually, when I talk to a new client they are in overwhelm, dealing with a flood of emotions, there is confusion and uncertainty, fear and chaos. No doubt, I was in the same boat when I went through my divorce. Yet, one question that helps temper the emotions is to have that client give careful, imaginative, and yet contemplative thought to “What is my intention for this divorce?”. This is how you handle divorce with the end in mind.
In reality, I pose this question less out of “what assets do I want out of the divorce”, than it is to have my clients consider “what is the feeling tone of the relationship you’d like to have with your former spouse at the end of the divorce?”. Answering this question actually PRECEDES and influences other decisions like “Should I mediate, litigate, or go for a collaborative divorce?”, or “Shall I strive for what’s fair and lawful or squeeze every red cent out of this, AND send him the bill!”. You see? How you want to feel for years after the divorce is complete, is determined by your decisions when you’re in the thick of it. The tough part about it is that when you are “in the thick of it” you are also on overdrive mentally, emotionally, and physically and can barely see past tomorrow.
When you begin with the end in mind, you form a clear picture of what you WANT (vs. DON’T want), and that’s extremely important for getting what you really want! It gets you closer, and makes decisions much easier because then you have a clear outcome you are moving towards. Every time a new decision comes up, you can calibrate it, “does this move me closer towards or further away from my ideal outcome?”
If you need help with this, you can always call on me and sign up for a complimentary strategy session.